The African Cup of Nations is currently taking place in Gabon.
Throughout its existence, the Kenyan national team ‘Harambee Stars’ has qualified for the tournament five times; notably in 1972, 1988, 1990, 1992 and 2004. All these times, it has failed to go past the group stages.
How unfortunate. But why do we rarely qualify? Here’s why.
1. Kenyans are afraid of ‘kupata na kupeana ball.’
How can Kenyans be good with the ball when they are afraid of ‘kupata na kupeana ball‘? Logically, speaking it’s simply not possible. In order to be good at something, you have to remove the fear of it. As long as P2 pills are our best friends, we are never qualifying for Afcon.
Image: ESPN
2. Hatupendi ‘mchezo!’.
Football is part of ‘mchezo’ right? And since ‘hatupendi mchezo’ or ‘hatupendi ujinga’, how can we prosper in a ‘mchezo’ such as football? Again It’s simply not logically possible.
3. We are not actually good at ‘passing.’
Matiangi can prove that. The fact that we aren’t good at ‘passing’ means we can’t be legends in football. A winning team has to know how to ‘pass’ the ball right? Okay…let’s move on before you get confused.
Image: memecenter
4. We aren’t good at qualifying for anything too.
Each one of us has failed to qualify for at least one job we applied for. And how many Kenyans have you rejected in relationships because you felt they didn’t qualify to be your bae? It seems we are not just good with this qualifying business. How many candidates qualified for the university in last year’s KCSE anyway? Fewer than Arsenal’s trophy collection? Someone remind me. Given our poor record of qualifying, can we really qualify for Afcon?
Image: MakeaMeme
5. We’d rather be players in relationships than on the field.
Kenyans are are already excellent players in relationships. We have all the Messis and Ronaldos when it comes to scoring spectacular goals outside the field. And as they say, you can’t be good at everything. So Football can wait.
Image: MemeGenerator
6. Our ‘goals’ are kind of different.
Log in to Instagram right now you will see photos with hashtag #RelationshipGoals, hashtag #FamilyGoals and so on. Our goals are just kind of different. Hiyo ya Afcon achia kina Cameroon.
7. African Cup of what? It’s just not our thing.
That’s right. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Even the most staunch football fans can’t name six players of the current national team yet they can name players of every team in the EPL. We gave up on football in Kenya. At least we have athletics.
Image: Giphy
And on that bombshell, check out these hottest wives of African footballers.
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